Estelle is 5 years old (Part 1)

Estelle turns 5 today on 25 Jan 2011. She was born in 2006.

It is a special day not only because it's her birthday. It was a tough day for me as I had to go through a painful ordeal and eventually gave birth to her through emergency caesarean. But all the trauma and suffering ended the minute I heard her first cries in the operating theatre. I just burst into tears because her arrival meant so much to us and it was the start of another beautiful chaper in our lives.

Why did I say she meant a lot to us? Estelle was not from my first pregnancy. Before that, I had gone through 2 consecutive miscarriages in 2004. Being a strong and optimistic person, I was able to pull myself up from there, but deep down I had never completely recovered from the loss. I could not bear to ask my friends who were pregnant how they were doing; I could not look at baby clothes and shoes, and I could not bring myself to carry babies in my arms ------- until Estelle came. When she became a reality, I was completely cured of my pain and I became strong and positive instantly. She is the source of my strength because she is my firstborn, and such a perfect one.

I am thankful that she is mine. She is beautiful on the outside and inside. She is intelligent. She is kind. She is talented. She is adored by all including her teachers and everyone else. She is a real darling.

I have specially taken a day off from work to spend the day with her. I have just finished preparing her birthday goody bags for her classmates. It's 4am! I ought to catch some sleep. I shall continue with Part 2 tomorrow.

Happy birthday to my sweet princess. I love you.

Managing My Maid

Today my maid "complained" to me that my father scolded her very harshly last Friday. Apparently, she forgot to make milk for Estroy (yet again) and my dad flared at her. She complained that "Ah Gong scold me very loud, he point at me and THREATEN to tell you." And she "feel very hurting inside. I go to the toilet to cry." She is not happy that my dad scolded her like that.

找死。

I asked her a few questions to establish the facts. I know how to manage people like her. Then our conversation went like this.

Me: Why didn't you make the milk at the correct time?
maid: Sometimes I do other things, then I never see the clock.
Me: Is this the first time?
maid: No
Me: It has happened many times right?
maid: Yes
Me: So am I right to say you have been told many times, and you have been making the same mistake over a few months.
maid: **silence**
Me: I am also working. If I make the same mistake so many times at work, I would have been fired.
maid: Ya, I know I make the milk late, but can Ah Gong threaten me and scold me like that?
Me: Let's get a few things straight. Firstly, I am your BOSS. I have every right to know what happened at home, and Ah Gong has every right to tell me. In fact, it is my instuction that he reports everything to me. That is not a threat. He is telling you that he is going to tell me. That is not a threat, so you stop using this word 'threaten'. Secondly, that is his scolding style. You are the one who made the mistake, you cannot expect to be scolded nicely.
maid: But would you scold me like that? Would you scold me in public?
Me: I will not scold like that, because that is not my style. And I never scold you in public. Ah Gong also did not scold you in public. But Ah Gong's scolding style is like that.
maid: **not convinced** But he can tell me nicely.

Me: Let me give u a scenario. Suppose I am a teacher and I have 2 bosses, one is a VP and one is P. When I make a mistake, my VP scolded me gently. My P scolded me very harshly. Yes, I'm upset. But I did make the mistake didn't I? I deserve to be scolded. Can I tell the VP, hey look, can you tell the P to scold me gently like what you did? I am so hurt you know.
maid: **beginning to see my point**
Me: So, Mary, when you make a mistake and you get scolded harshly, its just too bad that the scolding is harsh because you did make a mistake and you repeated the mistake over a few months and therefore YOU DESERVE TO BE SCOLDED. You have no right to ask people to scold you gently.
maid: **nods and understood my point** but I very upset.
Me: It is normal to be upset. Nobody gets scolding and feel happy. You need to recognise your own mistake and learn from it. And you need to learn to manage your own emotions. You cannot be sensitive about everything and expect other people to always accommodate you. This is a real world, Mary. Learn!

After the lecture, I continued with Part 2: Coaching.

Me: I want to share something with you. You have a huge problem about being defensive. You have too much pride and you always refuse to see your own mistake.
maid: **blur**
Me: OK. Example. Suppose I make a mistake in marking a student's exam paper. He is supposed to get 80 marks and I only gave him 60. So the parent comes to me and ask me for the marks.

Scenario 1:
I am defensive. I blame the child for untidy handwriting so I cannot see his working clearly. Somemore that day I was very busy and I had a headache. So that's why I mark wrongly. What is going to happen? The parent is going to be so upset and he will likely complain to the P or even to the Ministry. What is the outcome of me being defensive? The more I want to find excuses the worse it's going to become.

Scenario 2:
I apologise nicely to the parent, admit that I marked wrongly, then assure the parent that I will go through his paper more thoroughly and adjust the marks accordingly. What is going to happen? Likely that the parent will be happy to get back the 20 marks and leave it as that.

Me: Let's go back to your story. You forgot to make milk. That is the mistake. All those crap about doing other things and didn't see the clock are EXCUSES TO COVER UP YOUR MISTAKE. If you would just admit your mistake, recognise that you have made a mistake, and reconcile with yourself that you have indeed done something wrong, then you will learn. If you always find excuses for yourself, you will forever be trapped and you cannot swallow anything.

I'm not trying to defend my father but I am putting things into perspective for you.

maid: Yes, I understand now.

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How in the world did she think that she can outtalk me?

How in the world did she think that she can do something like that and get away with it?

She has no slightest idea whom she is talking to.

我的天啊。