I've Been Thinking ... ...

I have a million things to do before Monday comes, but let me just put them down and blog this entry.

As I watch my 2 little ones growing up by the day, and watch my tummy growing (which means another littlest one is coming), I suddenly find myself standing at a big crossroad juntion.

Where do I go from here?

Pre-kids days were my heydays at work, where I could put in my 101% of energy and time on my career. I always pride myself for being a super career woman, and even after the first kid came, I refuse to shortchange the quality of work that I put in. I am a head of department, sitting at the executive committee, supervising 8 to 9 teachers, running programmes and making managerial decisions. Second kid came, I struggled a lot, but really thank goodness for my parents and a good helper, I still managed and remained sane.

Recently, especially since the beginning of this year, I realised that my children are more grown up and hence they know how to cling onto me when I'm going to work, I suddenly feel very, very sad to leave them. There is this strong tug at my heart for me to stay at home, especially now that Estelle has started going to "school" (2 hour playgroup thing), I long to be able to send her to school hand in hand, and pick her up after school and chat with her on what she has learnt. These precious moments are lost when I go to work, and when I come back in the evening, she has forgotten everything that happened in school. (Children this age have no concept of time) Eston will be attending this playgroup next year, and Estelle will attend nursery, and again if I am at work, I would have lost a lot of the quality time that I could have with them.

I ask myself, what is important to me? A high flying career or my family? I think the answer is obvious. My priorities, at this point in time, are my children and my husband.

So, I think I shall work till my baby comes in July, and thereafter take no pay leave after my maternity leave to take care of my kids. They all need me, and guess what, I need them too. No matter what a super-career-woman I am, I'm still a mummy and I can put off my work till later. Right now I need to be with them, and I can put my talents to good use on my children's education. I also need time for myself - I need to read, paint, do beading, bake, swim, write, and do all sorts of my own girlie stuff, to make myself happy.

Sounds like a fantastic arrangement. I can't wait.